Thursday, January 5, 2012

Lady Toy Tossed on Ice in MTL / WPG Game

I'm a Jets fan. I try to keep up with them as much as I can. They played the Canadiens last night in Montreal and Lars Eller of the Habs had a steller night in the 7-3 win over Winnipeg.

He had 5 points, 4 goals. After his hat trick, fans litered the ice with hats. Hats and... that a dildo? Perhaps my mind is too much in the gutter, but I'm pretty sure that's a female lady pleasure unit.

Where in the world would fans get an idea like that?


Why now in Montreal? That I'm not really sure about. I mean, I know they are frustrated with Coach Randy Cunneyworth (their new head coach that doesn't speak French), but really?

And if that's not a pocket-boyfriend, then what is it? I'm not sure I want to know. It's a lot funnier thinking it's an o-machine.

I had a feeling something besides hats was going to be tossed on the ice, but I thought it was going to be a shark in Anaheim to retaliate the duck toss last month. Didn't bet on the Bell Centre joining the Mile High Club when the Jets came to town.

I have to stop. Too many jokes...

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Zach With An H

One of my biggest pet-peeves: spelling Zach with a "k" when it is suppose to be spelled with an "h".

If you look at the story about the most recent Winnipeg Jets' game on the Winnipeg Free Press, you'll see this.

But if you looked at the website right after the game ended, you would have seen this.

First word, second paragraph. They misspelled Zach! Got it right in the caption, but not the article.

I know. An honest mistake. One that was corrected in the next version of the article. The correct version was written by Ed Tait. The first was from Tim Campbell. Don't know what happened there, but the point is that the Winnipeg Free Press corrected the error.

But I had to share it. The bigger deal is that Jets won despite vallant efforts by both the Wild and the Refs. But that is more of a topic for Hockey Cop.

Here, I should be nit-picky about something else. Like 'H' vs 'K'.

Come on Tim Campbell of the Winnipeg Free Press! That error never should have happened. Because it soon spread to the Montreal Gazette, making you look a bit foolish.

I shouldn't be giving you a hard time Campbell. There are other examples of you knowning how to spell Zach.

I'm sure this thing happens all the time. But a hockey error? In Winnipeg? Say it ain't so! I know that not everyone here in Atlanta was the biggest fan, but we did have some really dedicated ones that fought to keep the Thrashers here.

And they never would have made that error...

Okay, so they made that error.

Never mind Campbell. I'll completely let it slide. Don't come down here with all of your Canadian writer friends and put the hurt on me.

Like I said, it's just a personal pet-peeve to misspell Zach.

If you look at it, there are some much more glaring errors in hockey spelling. Some things get corrected. Some things don't.

First, we have a look at Brad Marchand of the "Stanley Cup Champian" Boston Bruins.

That tattoo has been corrected because it originally was spelled "Champians". A seperate tattoo artist came in and fixed it. How did the tattoo get misspelled in the first place? Well, it appears that the team had a tattoo session in the lockerroom of TD Garden.

What? Do they have a perminate tattoo parlor in the Boston arena? I don't think so. Don't forget, the deciding Game 7 was in Vancouver which means that this tattoo artist was probably brought in just for this event to 'tat' some guys up upon their return. It's not like they did this in the heat of the moment seconds after hoisting the Cup. There was some thought put into this. And he didn't spell Champion right. Too many Dunkin' Donuts to think straight I guess.

Okay, so the article is quickly correctable. The tattoo was relatively quick to correct. Let's look at another something that was corrected: video. Video from the Lightning trying to get you to vote Tampa players to the All Star Game.

Link to video.

So, what was the error?

They were originally trying to send the players to Ottowa.

Most of these things were corrected pretty quickly. Not all errors are found that fast. One player had his own name misspelled on his jersey.

For three games.

It took until a third game wearing that jersey until someone finally told Rob Niedermayer that his name was misspelled.

Well, at least it has never happened to any of hockey's best players in history. Like, oh I don't know, a man who's name synonymous with hockey playing one of the marquee teams in the League.

Yep. That's a Wayne Gretzky jersey blunder. Oops.

But the icing on the cake is the Stanley Cup. You know, the Stanley Cup? The symbol of hockey greatness? That silver throphy where winning teams and players are inscribed on it every year and it travels with a bodyguard?

Yeah. That Stanley Cup.

It has an error (who are the Ilanders?).

Or two (it's Vertseeg, not Versteeg at the end there).

And they may have XXX-ed out a name here or there.

Actually, there are a lot of errors on hockey's holy grail.

Adam Deadmarsh was spelled Deadmarch -- but later was changed; the only misspelled name to be corrected.

Some other misspells on the Cup that never have been corrected: Jacques Plante's name has been misspelled five times, (including "Jocko," "Jack" and "Plant"); Bob Gainey was spelled "Gainy" when he was a player for Montreal in the 70s; Ted Kennedy was spelled "Kennedyy" in the 40s; the Toronto Maple Leafs was spelled "Leaes" in 1962/63; the Boston Bruins was spelled "Bqstqn" in 1972.

And those xxx's? "Basil Pocklington," father of former Edmonton Oilers owner, Peter who put his dad's name on the Stanley Cup in 1983/84. Yeah, the NHL took him off.

So, Tim Campbell, I'll let it slide this one time. You may have our hockey team, but you know something we have that you don't?

Weather that doesn't call for a heavy coat in December. Atlanta - 1, Winnipeg - 0. That's Winnipeg with two N's.

--To tell the truth, I should be the last person talking about grammatical or spelling errors. Have you ever read this ting.

Atlanta Thrashers Blue Crew

My words are brief, my thoughts are long.
I present these pictures of girls that are gone.

Too short was their time upon the ice.
But you must agree, they looked real nice.

A tip of the hat, a moment of silence.
For the girls who cleaned snow amongst the violence.

The Crew is departed, left seperate ways.
But in our souls their memory stays.

I may have snuck in a picture of me too.
Because I also cheered in my M. I. B. suit.

I wasn't nearly as noticed, I tended to blend.
Though I followed my boss, that big ol' 'chicken'.

I was part of the team: dancing security guard.
We did work with the Crew, a requirement not hard.

But back to the girls with pom-poms a-wavin'.
And less about me and my face all clean shaven.

Cry not for them, they'll be okay.
These Atlanta women of yesterday.

They were once quite grand, presented by Aaron's
Now our hockey hearts are heavy and barren.

I'll be quiet now and let you see
These lovely girls of Philips Are... That almost worked. But I have just sinned.
Ruining something nice, just like G. Bettman.

My rhymes aren't working, so I present the Crew.
Who skated around in skirts of Blue.

...and sometimes red.

RIP Blue Crew

Monday, December 12, 2011

The Edmonton Oilers Octane

The Edmonton Oilers Octane.

Link to video.

(I love that song.) Ladies...

I can tell you this group of girls has someone with what has to be one of the most bizarre day jobs. I'm not saying the job itself is odd, but unexpected for a dancer.

I'm going to present a few of the girls with something unique or cool in their bios. See if you can pick out which one is also a funeral director and embalmer. She sees dead people then dances at Oiler games.

Here are the candidates:

First up, Catriona. Wonderfully unique name.

This jolly elf listens to Christmas music all year long. Also, she enjoys cooking and baking. Brownie points there. Literally.

Next up: Jonessa.

She claims if she could eat a certain food every single day, it would be peach shrimp. What is peach shrimp? I don't know.

Rachael is our next Octane girl.

Sorta an Aussie. She lived in Australia for 9 months and was the Canadian Silver medalist in National Synchronized Figure Skating Championships in 2008. Well, to be fair, 9 months hardly makes her an Aussie. I just love the Australian accent so much that I guess I let my mind drift there any time I get the opportunity.

The next member of the team we'll meet is Rosie.

Possibly the smallest member of the team. I say that because she has to shop in the kids sections because she doesn't fit the ladies section. I have a friend like that. Don't try and pick her up. She's like a wet, angry cat.

Finally, Whitney.

This girl has a pet bearded dragon and is a huge camper. Now, I like camping. But I've never been camping in Canada which I have to think takes some real guts and skill to brave that constantly frozen tundra.

I'm from Atlanta, Georgia, USA, so my overall vision of Canada is probably wrong.

But Whitney is kinda proving that Canadian girls are little tough. Well, Whitney and the 2010 Women's Olympic Hockey Team.

Now I'm scared of Canadian women. Please don't come down here and hurt me!

Back to the Oiler's dance squad. The Octane obviously have quite a cross section of girls working for them.

By the way, the funeral dictor and embalmer is Rosie.

It goes to show that just because you've got a girl cheering with pom-poms, she's not an airheaded, brainless idiot. I'm not saying everyone on the Octane team would be comfortable with, well, dead bodies all day long, but they (like all cheer and ice squads) are made up of a group of diverse girls from all walks of life. And they're pretty too.

Wait. I swear I've seen this before...

Of course! Drop Dead Gorgeous. A film starring Kristie Alley, Ellen Barkin, Kirsten Dunst, and Denise Richards. I like this movie a lot. To the point of I actually own it.

It's a dark comedy about a small town beauty pagent where certain contestants will do anything to win. You can view the trailer here, or check out the opening of the movie below. If you wait until the 6:50ish mark, you'll see what I mean about having seen the Rosie bio about dancing/funeral director-ing thing before.

The only difference is that Kirsten Dunst doesn't do the embalming. Rosie does. Ponder that a minute while I ponder something else. Remember when Jonessa said she liked peach shrimp? That sounds horrible. Maybe it's not what I'm thinking. I hate shrimp. I hate peaches. Maybe it's not the two just mixed together.

Never mind. It is just the two together. Ewwww...

More moving pictures please to eliminate that nasty meal from my mind.

Link to video.

As you can see, these ladies are more of a dance crew than a ice crew. Need more proof? I thought so.

Link to video.

Most ice crews don't use carpet. But you know what? Most ice crews don't have the skills to bust a move like the Octane. So call them whatever you want (ice crew, dance squad, cheerleaders), but you have to acknowledge the talent.

And if Catriona wants a carpet, we'll make sure she gets a carpet.

Let's look at the girls in some dancing gear, but we'll start with the picture from the final auditions.

And how would they look in casual wear? (Or in a different pose in their dancer gear if they forgot their nice casual wear for the photo shoot.)

Here are the girls in cheer mode.

This team is proud to be the first NHL cheer team in Canada. They are lead by a doctor, Dr. Mailie Harris. In case you're curious, she practices chiropractic with her sister and that's Dr. Harris pictured below.

The team, being a more dance oriented squad than an ice crew, needs some moves. The Octane get their moves from Margeaux Morin, team choreographer.

I have no idea how to pronounce that name. I'm guessing "Mar-guin-ex". I don't think that's right. I hope I never meet her because I'll screw up her name or accidently call her Ms. Moron instead of Morin. Maybe I'll just screw up a little bit and call her Ms. Motrin. By the way, that's the only thing that works for me if I get a headache. Motrin.

Well, any ibuprofen.

Dare I say I'd have a much better time pronouncing Assistant Coach Amber-Leigh Polovich's name better.

She was with the cheerleaders of the Edmonton Eskimo (that's Canadian football) before joining the Octane.

Am I the only one who sees this (the picture below) when I hear eskimo cheerleaders?

I'm assuming that's not what the actual uniforms look like. So what do Canadian football cheerleaders look like in Edmonton?

Yes. I'm on board. So what if they have play the game on a longer field? More sidelines for cheerleaders. So, as a nod to Canadian football, can I have some more please?

Go Eskimos!

Wait, what was I suppose to be talking about again?

Link to video.

Oh yeah. Welcome to Oil Country!